Finding My Chaos

September 8, 2025September 8, 2025 / Self-Diagnosed Yogi / Leave a comment

Hè, yogi!

I have been manifesting my peace on my mat this past week. I find that consistency is delicate. It’s so easy to fall off track and stay where I am at. Sometimes peace is too familiar, and familiar is not going to make me grow. I want unfamiliar, I want to be challenged and unfiltered. I might want these things, but my feet do not move with intention because my heart seeks peace. Sometimes I can talk myself out of what I really want because it’s easier to do what I know. Uggghhhh! A schedule is not to be taken lightly if I want to grow. I need to ruffle my tail feathers and start finding my chaos!

My yoga mat recharges me, bring on chaos💕

What do you think of chaos? Does it make you sweat? Does it sound messy? How can you know if you have been protecting your peace for so long? I know I have! I have had 100 foot walls up since I last drank. I have rules and laws set in place to keep people and distractions out of my way! Unbeknownst to me, I have created my cell. It is time for me to get out of my own way and seek growth. I have outgrown my protections and it’s time to spread my wings and find my future ME=)

Last nights full moon has me questioning all I know…

I am 1,000% a homebody. I love my home, and I love being alone. I also long to strengthen my friendships and I wish to be more social. I finally have my fatigue handled so my energy is fabulous! I planned a fun night out with my friend, and I plan on getting plans set up with my other friends. Friendships are so crucial especially as we age, it’s hard to find people that compliment your life instead of complicate. I also enjoy planning parties at my house and with Halloween coming up, I am planning two parties! Wahoooo!

Me as the ‘other mother ‘ from Coraline last year💕 2024

Me and my dad sharing the same expressions 😂 I am the goblin king💕 2023

I don’t want to appear confusing bringing up chaos and friends. I mean, I lived in chaos for so long that I am now craving it. I just want to be challenged. I want to be social again and have a life that I am not scared to live in. It’s time to get up out of my guarded tower and venture out into the unknown. My life is unknown but one this is sure; I love my life! I find my way in the dark, but the light is so mesmerizing and desired. Finding my chaos is going to be beautiful!

Namaste!

Falling Back in Line

October 31, 2024October 31, 2024 / Self-Diagnosed Yogi / Leave a comment

Hè, Yogi!

I have been enjoying this fall weather! It’s been all over the place though! Now that the wind died down, I feel myself settle into planning a big adventure for me. Not actually going on a trip but to step out of my way of blocking my personal growth. I plan on working on those goals today because there will be a lot. I seem to sit on my hands a lot and let time get in between me and my goals. I have business goals, personal goals, community goals, financial goals, and we have a few holidays sprinkled in there. I must get a schedule locked in to help balance my excess vata, or maybe just redirect it. I will be excited to share as I get my life in order and start falling back in line.

Self-Reflection:

I have been taking the time to reflect on my desires and needs. Where do I want to be as a 43 year old woman? What do I want to embody? I feel I can go any direction in life. I am at a crossroads and there are directions that do not make sense. I feel encapsulated by all the different versions of myself I have lived so far. Which version do I want to nourish? I have so much more knowledge of myself than I ever have and this is the best time to get real clear on who I am. Who I want to be. How I want to show the world the new me when I re-emerge. Life is about to get real. Real fucking fabulous!

Goal-Setting:

I am great at planning. I am not so great at keeping track of who, what, when. I plan on creating short and long term goals using the SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, time-bound), which will help me create a clearer path. I want to be so crystal clear and reasonable. I mean losing 1 pound per week is more feasible than 15. That way I can incorporate bigger goals on my long term dreams. Easier said than done? I agree! That’s why I plan on incorporating the next step.

I had to burn past regrets I was so I can re-emerge💕

Celebrate Progress:

I love to plan a big party! With that being said, I am very capable of taking time to acknowledge my achievements, no matter how small! Celebrating milestones will boost my motivation and confidence and reinforce positive habits of being kind to myself. I’m not planning on throwing a big, expensive party every time due to financial goals, but I will treat myself to a moonlit walk, a warm bath with bubbles, a 20 min face massage taking time to pay close attention to my movements, I will connect with myself by journaling. I love celebrating ME! I’m a pretty big deal to myself.

Positive Affirmations:

I love to use positive affirmations to repeat to myself multiple times in the mirror. I even make myself cry sometimes by hearing the kind words. It is magic to be kind to myself. When I am disappointed in myself, I disappear from acknowledgment. I have found that setbacks are a part of the growth process but instead of seeing the negative and seeing failure, I can see growth. I found out that way doesn’t work and will not keep going anymore.

Community:

One cannot do it all alone. Do you believe that? I truly do believe that. I know I need people around me that support me and that I can support. I want to surround myself with people that inspire me. I want to be on the path to be the best version of myself and I believe I attract those people. I need them and they need me. Community equals support and love.

The manifestation period is coming with the new moon tomorrow. Regain your traction. We got this🥰

I plan on sharing my next 30 days. I am excited to embark on such a spiritual journey to unknown territory. Who will I be when I am 100% focused? I cannot wait to see what doors open and how my life will be in 30 days….

Stay tuned!

Namaste!

My Home Is Where My Family Is

July 17, 2024 / Self-Diagnosed Yogi / Leave a comment

Yogi!

It has been way too long! Life has its way of showing me who is really in control of this ship. I have found resiliency in the shit storms, and I have learned how to grow my roots in times of uncertainty. All of these lessons prove time after time again, yoga and meditation are key to my life success. I find myself craving these sessions time and time again. Especially, in the unknown and life has thrown a lot of uncertainty at me in unknown territory. I seriously, verbatim told my sister back in May, “My home is where my family is.” I didn’t think that would be tested the very next day…

Life has been unrecognizable lately and I crave familiarity 💝

One thing I do know for sure, I am a small, small, tiny speck in a huge world unknown. I might be big in my world but so small outside of here. Where is here? Home. Home is where I can recharge my light. My familiarity, my energy. I love to create the most welcoming and safe place with strong roots. I want the sun to circle my homestead with fatherly love and watch over the plant life and give them strength. I want to close my eyes and understand every detail of my home and each turn of the pathways. I lost and found myself in that old house. I raised my kids there. I lost my best friend and grieved in that house. I had to leave that house though. A life lost and here I am. Taking up space in a new space, grieved wound, new hope. I add hope because without hope, growth halts.

I have a new space with my family. The hardest part is over, and I am ready to embrace this new life. I am hopeful and ready to grow into my new pot. Change is hard. I am pretty adaptable though. I have a new cat room for my babies and my plants are enjoying the new space and dare I say, thriving? We have been here one month now. We still have painting at our old house before we put it on the market, but I am hopeful we can get it all done in two weeks. Fingers crossed!

I am getting back into my hustle mindset probably due to the fiery sun this summer has brought. I like the focus and I am preparing for the full moon this week. What are some full moon intentions you are working on? I am ready to get back into my work groove and surprise myself with some cool ideas and collabs! Stay tuned!

Namaste!

Eras Collab

April 22, 2024 / Self-Diagnosed Yogi / Leave a comment

Hè, friend!

Another week began, and I decided to vacate the usual hamster wheel routine. Things need to be rearranged to fit my new life aspirations motif. I am manifesting me. New me, improved me, a new eras me. I will embrace this change because it’s a collab of all the past mes at my highest self. I have a collection of personal highs that will encourage me to live as my highest self. I present an eras collab.

Youth me:

I could sit by this little stream and watch the patterns ripple over the tree roots and rocks. There was a comfort in the songs of the birds. I knew this wooded area so well. I spent so much of my childhood here. Alone. I preferred. I never needed anyone here. I was always safe.

There is nothing like an early morning walk to greet the sun. It’s amazing! I also like to workout early. My plan is to move every morning. This daily practice helped me tremendously with my recovery. I know I need it.

Teen me:

I loved to write. I would listen to Lauryn Hill and write poems, stories, and research papers. Lol! I was obsessed with words and meanings. There is a floetry to a love dance or hurt. Being a teen in the 90s was amazing. I had great women to admire and get inspiration.

I plan on getting word creative daily. I’m not sure how that looks, but infesting myself with words is my goal. In and out.

20’s me:

Social butterfly in the house! I was in it all! I miss having the hours long girl time conversing and not having to hold back cause your circle was tight. I could hold the same sacred circle for all my girls. What a huge blessing.

30’s me:

Lifting weights was unlike any other workout. I was so connected; mind, body. I was able to build muscles and squat heavy. I showed up for myself and surprised myself. I got pretty fit by myself. I can get back to this mindset, no problem.

As vast as this ocean is, I trust the journey.

40’s me:

Acceptance. I never fully understood what this would be like. I enter my 40s facing the unknown. Life after covid, wrinkles, finally facing my alcohol problem, new career turn, spiritual awakening, healing traumas. That’s in 2 years. Life is wild!

I might have this huge plan to slowly introduce my highest eras back into existence, but with my wisdom, I know acceptance for where I am is most needed. Acceptance is my peace and wisdom is my compass.

Namastè!

All pictures by Self-Diagnosed Yogi.

Accepting What Is

June 21, 2023 / Self-Diagnosed Yogi / Leave a comment

Hè, friend!

I have been enjoying taking care of myself and nurturing my soul. I take so much pride in how far I have come in my life. It is surreal to think three years ago I was drowning my sorrows in big schooners of IPAs. Now, I’m grounded and able to face any problem head-on without a second thought. Plus, I have the best circle of people who build me up. I am sharing space with people like me. I am not hanging on to old friends or old memories and feeling stuck in my old ways of coping. I have moved on. I want to keep progressing, and the only way is to stop looking back. My acceptance of my future and how I want my future to look like is my key to my happiness. The rearview mirror isn’t distracting me anymore. My future is in plainview, and it’s mesmerizing!

Spread Love Where Love Is Sparse

Who you were yesterday doesn’t have to define you today unless you want it to. Say that twice. I’m sure depending on who you’re talking to, there will be many opinions of me. Some good, some bad. If I cared about the world’s opinion, I wouldn’t have time to focus on me being my best self. I bring forth my best smiles to frowns. I give hugs for free! I listen intently to anyone willing to give me a friendly conversation. I give, give, give. I don’t expect anything back. I just want anyone I encounter to feel good being them. I want to bring love and care back into the picture. If for one moment strangers become friends and enemies agree to disagree, then the day was pretty great.

8 Hugs A Day

I told my Ayurveda teacher how cold I’ve been lately, like, “to the bone chill.” She suggested many scenarios, but lack of loving attention from others struck me deep. I do demand hugs from my family, but I haven’t been present with them. I’ve been soldiering through the muck of life with only me. It was apparent that I needed more community and more time with those I love. That’s my secret recipe to refuel. I was giving, giving, giving, and no one filled me up. I neglected me in a sense. So, my teacher said we need 8 hugs a day. How many hugs do you get a day? Now, that I’m mindful, I aim for 8. Get in those hugs! Lol!

My husband still holds my hand. He takes me on drives so I can see the sunset. That’s love💗

Community

I never know who I am going to meet outside my house. I love volunteering and meeting all the world has to offer. I find people so enchanting, and their stories capture me every time! I do get filled up with love when I see a group of people serving the community. I work hard, planting seeds and growing myself to the woman I see myself as. She’s wise, loving, accountable, trusting, strong. I build these gifts from the people I meet, so thank you🥹

Yogi Outro

We all have gifts. The funnest part of life is finding who you are. My discovery process has been fulfilling and keeps me accountable. I strive each day to take yesterday’s learnings into today’s garden. I don’t have to plant them all. Some seeds are not to grow on but keep to give to someone else. I’m always thinking of others. I’m a nurturer, but not everyone needs me. I learned to back off. Those are my lessons learned. I also make sure I’m getting not only self- love but also accept love from others. Especially those hugs!

Namastè!

All pictures by Lenape Spiritual Yogi Awakened.

Building Community

May 5, 2023May 5, 2023 / Self-Diagnosed Yogi / Leave a comment

Hè, friend!

I missed a Wednesday post, so welcome to a Friday blog catch-up! There is a lot of life happening over here, and I feel like I’m watching a movie of someone else’s life. I am not accustomed to doors opening, but here I am. Me. Proving to myself, that as I grow into my safe container that whatever part of me that spills out, is still safe. It’s OK for me to walk into the unknown and find out. I’m a curious soul, and I really find people so interesting when we are together. I love my yoga community, and when we get together, magic happens, and we learn so much from each other! It’s a weekly meet up and building community is so fucking healthy!!❤️‍🔥

He was about a foot away from his other snail friend. Community.

Shed who you think you are for who you want to be

We all have an idea of what we think people will be like based on looks alone. Our opinions are so vast apart or cloned copycats that are only created from experiences, right? Or hearsay? Whatever the reason, it’s not true until you find out. When I made myself vulnerable and took my ego out of the equation, I became flawed but yearned to share my experiences. I built my confidence with my group. There is beauty in pain when we can see why we had to experience it in the first place. I am perfectly imperfect, and I’ll rarely be on time to most, but these things make me, me. The more I try not to be me, life gets messy.

My husband helps me cook, which really helps me. Community.

Know your boundaries

I love being with my people. I also love being by myself. There is a balance, though, and very fine lines that can make or break me. I pick up on others’ emotions easily. I really do not enjoy being dragged down, so my choices of people have drastically changed. We all have problems, trust. I keep my real ride or die circle small, but it’s solid, and I feel grounded enough to keep building my confidence with others with boundaries.

Get a new hobby, gain a new friend

I know that as I get older, I find I have a lot of hobbies! One thing leads me down a rabbit hole to more things. My hobbies keep me balanced in all the seasons. Through these hobbies, I’ve met so many like-minded people with dreams and aspirations similar to me. I admire all the people I meet, and when I’ve had my fill of interacting, I leave. I honor myself, and I try not to overdo anything. Balance is Bliss 🩷

I enjoy foraging with my friends! Community.

Yogi wrap up

I heard Nate Ortiz on the Highest Self Podcast: 442 Why You Have Digestive/ Hormonal Issues – The Spiritual Causes. He is amazing, and he inspired me by introducing me to be ok wanting to emulate another human. If I want success, I need to pretend I have it, dress like it, present my best self in this image. In a healthy way, of course. No stalking or breaking the law. Just an idea to help manifest my life of my dreams! I learn so much about me from my community! Small steps will get me to my highest self🤩

Namastè!

All pictures by Lenape Spiritual Yogi Awakened.

Mèli Këlëshmësh (Merry Christmas)

December 25, 2022 / Self-Diagnosed Yogi / Leave a comment

I am caught up in the Christmas spirit today! I loved being with my family these past few days. We had our Christmas together at my daughter’s new house on Christmas Eve and we made a whole bunch of appetizers to eat for dinner. We had a Charcuterie board, garlic parmesan chicken wings, Filipino lumpias, Crab ragoons, Mac n’ cheese, chili, hotdogs, and fries! Lol! We act all munchy.

Crab ragoons and lumpias made by my babies😍

We watched “How The Grinch Stole Christmas” and Disney’s “A Christmas Carol”. We had so much fun lounging around digesting our meal. We opened presents and met up at my daughter’s church for their Christmas Eve service. We finished our night by driving through neighborhoods with fancy Christmas light themes. So beautiful.

“Decoding the Stars” Allison Scott. “A Lenapè among the Quakers” Dawn G. Marsh

This morning we enjoyed church and my parents, brother, 1 daughter, and father-in-law came over. We enjoyed Porcupine balls (ground beef, onion, and rice shaped balls with cream of mushroom), mashed potatoes, corn, rolls, and banana creme pie😍 I’m enjoying reading my books and I still have one more day off! I also hear it’s supposed to snow a bit tonight.

All the best to you and your family!💖 Mèli Këlëshmësh!

Namastè 🙏🏽

All pictures by Lenapè Spiritual Yogi Awakened