I have been manifesting my peace on my mat this past week. I find that consistency is delicate. It’s so easy to fall off track and stay where I am at. Sometimes peace is too familiar, and familiar is not going to make me grow. I want unfamiliar, I want to be challenged and unfiltered. I might want these things, but my feet do not move with intention because my heart seeks peace. Sometimes I can talk myself out of what I really want because it’s easier to do what I know. Uggghhhh! A schedule is not to be taken lightly if I want to grow. I need to ruffle my tail feathers and start finding my chaos!
My yoga mat recharges me, bring on chaos💕
What do you think of chaos? Does it make you sweat? Does it sound messy? How can you know if you have been protecting your peace for so long? I know I have! I have had 100 foot walls up since I last drank. I have rules and laws set in place to keep people and distractions out of my way! Unbeknownst to me, I have created my cell. It is time for me to get out of my own way and seek growth. I have outgrown my protections and it’s time to spread my wings and find my future ME=)
Last nights full moon has me questioning all I know…
I am 1,000% a homebody. I love my home, and I love being alone. I also long to strengthen my friendships and I wish to be more social. I finally have my fatigue handled so my energy is fabulous! I planned a fun night out with my friend, and I plan on getting plans set up with my other friends. Friendships are so crucial especially as we age, it’s hard to find people that compliment your life instead of complicate. I also enjoy planning parties at my house and with Halloween coming up, I am planning two parties! Wahoooo!
Me as the ‘other mother ‘ from Coraline last year💕 2024Me and my dad sharing the same expressions 😂 I am the goblin king💕 2023
I don’t want to appear confusing bringing up chaos and friends. I mean, I lived in chaos for so long that I am now craving it. I just want to be challenged. I want to be social again and have a life that I am not scared to live in. It’s time to get up out of my guarded tower and venture out into the unknown. My life is unknown but one this is sure; I love my life! I find my way in the dark, but the light is so mesmerizing and desired. Finding my chaos is going to be beautiful!
I had a huge release! I feel so very connected to myself, and I’d like to give a huge shoutout to mni (Lakota), water. I jumped forward with an idea that came into fruition the day before. I was sitting next to the water to listen and be enchanted with its rhythm and free flow of clarity and truth. Boom, bop, bam! Idea enters my brain. I never jumped on something so fast since I started my business. It’s been 3 years since I gained my confidence back and can trust the unknown is going to be scary but so healing. Cheers to, mni and reminding me of who I am.
My spot to cold plunge🥶
There is something so healing about water. It cleans us, cools us, supports us, nourishes us. Water is us. I forget the beauty of healing with water after a long-frozen winter. Now as things thaw, I too become unthawed and curious. I too venture to the edges of my safety container to see what it’s like to become unraveled and grow towards the sun. What if I jumped into my fears and found out I can survive? That it didn’t hurt and actually opened up a new perspective of winning.
I have to come undone to move in this new direction of manifesting and seeing it through. That is my number one goal in everything. I have been finishing my fireplace project and had to pause because I need to go back to the store to get a small roller because I lost or threw away mine. I’m finally ready to begin the last varnish layer and I get to mark this off my list. That feels good to be so productive. Due diligence at its finest. I am a completer of my goals, om.
Before…After🥹
I have to get going on a zoom call but I wanted to get my thoughts out there on the healing benefits of water. I cannot wait for my favorite summer season to really enjoy the waters support. Me and water will heal this summer and I will thrive in all that I do! I will share more on manifestation later 🙂
I have been enjoying this fall weather! It’s been all over the place though! Now that the wind died down, I feel myself settle into planning a big adventure for me. Not actually going on a trip but to step out of my way of blocking my personal growth. I plan on working on those goals today because there will be a lot. I seem to sit on my hands a lot and let time get in between me and my goals. I have business goals, personal goals, community goals, financial goals, and we have a few holidays sprinkled in there. I must get a schedule locked in to help balance my excess vata, or maybe just redirect it. I will be excited to share as I get my life in order and start falling back in line.
Loving the fall drops💖
Self-Reflection:
I have been taking the time to reflect on my desires and needs. Where do I want to be as a 43 year old woman? What do I want to embody? I feel I can go any direction in life. I am at a crossroads and there are directions that do not make sense. I feel encapsulated by all the different versions of myself I have lived so far. Which version do I want to nourish? I have so much more knowledge of myself than I ever have and this is the best time to get real clear on who I am. Who I want to be. How I want to show the world the new me when I re-emerge. Life is about to get real. Real fucking fabulous!
Me getting ready to level up💖
Goal-Setting:
I am great at planning. I am not so great at keeping track of who, what, when. I plan on creating short and long term goals using the SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, time-bound), which will help me create a clearer path. I want to be so crystal clear and reasonable. I mean losing 1 pound per week is more feasible than 15. That way I can incorporate bigger goals on my long term dreams. Easier said than done? I agree! That’s why I plan on incorporating the next step.
I had to burn past regrets I was so I can re-emerge💕
Celebrate Progress:
I love to plan a big party! With that being said, I am very capable of taking time to acknowledge my achievements, no matter how small! Celebrating milestones will boost my motivation and confidence and reinforce positive habits of being kind to myself. I’m not planning on throwing a big, expensive party every time due to financial goals, but I will treat myself to a moonlit walk, a warm bath with bubbles, a 20 min face massage taking time to pay close attention to my movements, I will connect with myself by journaling. I love celebrating ME! I’m a pretty big deal to myself.
Me serving drinky drinks👌🏽
Positive Affirmations:
I love to use positive affirmations to repeat to myself multiple times in the mirror. I even make myself cry sometimes by hearing the kind words. It is magic to be kind to myself. When I am disappointed in myself, I disappear from acknowledgment. I have found that setbacks are a part of the growth process but instead of seeing the negative and seeing failure, I can see growth. I found out that way doesn’t work and will not keep going anymore.
I am worthy💕
Community:
One cannot do it all alone. Do you believe that? I truly do believe that. I know I need people around me that support me and that I can support. I want to surround myself with people that inspire me. I want to be on the path to be the best version of myself and I believe I attract those people. I need them and they need me. Community equals support and love.
The manifestation period is coming with the new moon tomorrow. Regain your traction. We got this🥰
I plan on sharing my next 30 days. I am excited to embark on such a spiritual journey to unknown territory. Who will I be when I am 100% focused? I cannot wait to see what doors open and how my life will be in 30 days….
As the vibrant hues of summer gradually fade, the cool nights of fall usher in a season of reflection and renewal. The air becomes crisp, carrying with it the earthy scents of fallen leaves and the promise of winter’s approach. It’s during these serene evenings that many find themselves yearning for a moment of pause, a chance to digest not just the remnants of summer fun but also the experiences that have shaped their lives.
Summer brings an abundance of activity, filled with laughter, adventures, and a whirlwind of social gatherings. From lake outings to late-night barbecues, the season is a tapestry of joyful moments. However, as the days grow shorter and the nights cooler, there’s an inherent call to slow down and internalize those experiences. This is where meditation can play a transformative role.
My loving, intentional time to be with my thoughts💞
Meditation offers a sanctuary amid the hustle and bustle of life. It invites us to sit with our thoughts and emotions, allowing us to process the joys and lessons summer has imparted. As the world outside shifts into a calmer rhythm, meditation encourages a similar stillness within. The act of focusing on the breath or visualizing the changing leaves can ground us, helping to clear the mental clutter accumulated during the frenetic pace of summer.
I love slow days under the tree canopy💖
Moreover, fall is a time of transition, not just in nature but in our personal lives as well. Just as trees shed their leaves, we too can let go of what no longer serves us. Meditation fosters this release, promoting a sense of peace as we acknowledge our experiences and intentions moving forward. It creates a space for gratitude, allowing us to appreciate the warmth of summer while embracing the beauty of change.
Just a daily meeting with Mr. 🌞
As the nights grow colder, wrapping ourselves in a cozy blanket and finding a quiet spot becomes an inviting ritual. With each inhale, we can draw in the crisp air, and with each exhale, we can release the remnants of summer’s heat, creating balance within. In this way, meditation helps us digest not only the fun we had but also the emotions tied to it—joy, nostalgia, and perhaps a hint of melancholy.
Staying warm✌🏽
In conclusion, the cooler nights of fall provide an ideal backdrop for introspection. By engaging in meditation, we can harmonize our experiences, allowing the vibrancy of summer to settle into a deeper understanding of ourselves. As we embrace the change of seasons, let us also embrace the opportunity for inner growth, finding solace in the quiet moments that autumn brings.
I have been in a creating mood. I’m ready to see what is out there. I have spent my summer cleaning, moving, organizing, working, and now it’s time to have fun! I’m ready to plan a vacation with my friend and another with my husband. I am enjoying the cool nights and find myself slowing down. Life is showing me that it is yet another season to reflect on the busy of summer, to process the major events, and sit with what I have and enjoy. I love this season! I feel the contentment of my hard work sinking in, I have come soooooo far! I am very proud of myself.
I’m captivated by every sunrise. A new beginning.
I decided to re-introduce my daily mantras routine Monday. I get up each morning and head into the bathroom. After I wash my face, I will look myself in the mirror and say my daily loving mantras. I am feeling the deep truth of my words. I even believe myself. I learned to honor me and be so kind. I am a builder. I will no longer tear myself down from my past. I will only love. Me and everyone. Love is the easiest to share for me. My love language shows up in serving others. I really love to serve. Yesterday, I ran myself into the ground serving. I need to relearn balance and boundaries. This will be my season to honor my boundaries and learn “NO” again. “NO” isn’t unkind. What could that mantra look like?
Do you feel the release of the summer heat? Is there cooler nights where you live? I love summer! I do enjoy the cooling effects of transition time. I used to be so scared of change because I didn’t know what to expect. I mean, my whole life changed from me saying “NO”. Just like that. I can sit and adjust and just be. Life is the coolest experience, and I have so much space to explore but for now, I am good just sitting in contentment. I really love where I am at, but I must keep moving through the seasons. What a life!
Today, my house is no longer mine and belongs to a new family to create new memories. I will miss that house, but now I am in a new chapter. My immediate future is unknown but fascinating. I find myself becoming curious in my new environment, and I enjoy making new plans and stamping my ever-loving impression on all my new spaces. I am digesting new experiences as they come up. I may sit with a feeling to discover the path I need to grow. It’s so easy to look at new difficulties with zero hope, but how does it feel to sit in it and learn to be ok? In the beginning of my spiritual awakening, I was always sitting next to the water. I would meditate and be entranced with the offerings of the water and wet earth. The smell, the sound, the water spilling onto the land, and receding as wildlife created ripples. I saw so many fish feed early in the morning. I was home. I finally learned peace and to be content with where I am now.
A meditative walk in nature with my sweet Alex💝
I had to be alone to understand my why and to heal. I had a lot of garbage from my past I lugged around. Thoughts, experiences, life that needed to be sorted. What did I need to get rid of and drop off at the lake? I spoke my truths to rocks and buried them deep to be cleansed by the earth. I knew I was getting better because I felt better. My yoga poses became unhinged. My hips were awakened. I was fluid and thriving in my new environment.
Yoga with Mr. Baby🥰
I remember so vividly how light I became. I wanted to be safe sitting at the water’s edge all the time. I was protected and thriving for the first time in my adult life. First thing in the morning, at 5:20 a.m., I rolled out my mat and began my ritual. My spiritual ritual and all the things that brought me joy. All the things people told me to stay away from cause its “devil” stuff. Well, those people and their opinions weren’t very prevalent in my life because I was able to find my truth through all the haze. I became unscared and unglued. I was freed from chains I was born into. Generational curses, traumas, living my life to please others, depression, alcoholism, it all began to speak to me to guide me away from the pain I didn’t have to stay in. I was my own abusive partner for so long, but I found out how much I loved myself. I thank nature for that. I didn’t heal myself, and I’d like to think I played a part in helping heal nature too.
Well, there is a beautiful painting that reflects my healing process. It brought me to recollect my inner peace and write this blog. I am hanging this in my living room over my fireplace to bring peace in my new chapter. It will serve as a reminder how far I came. It will give me healing vibrations from memory of the water washing me clean. I am still here thriving in the midst of life.
It’s been pretty quiet over here. I have been taking some time out to decompress and reset. I am ready to resume my path, and I am contemplating how my mornings will look beginning next week. I have new focus and direction to entertain me while the kinks of my life work themselves out. I will finish what I started and noticed I’m falling back into a pattern of a bunch of half-finished shit. Ew. I want to manifest myself as a finisher and even better as a successful businesswoman. I have saved millions for big corporations, and now it’s time for me to use my power for me. I will determine my successes, and this will be such an amazing time to learn and make money while learning on the job.
What is a manifestor?
A do-er. The seer from manifesto to end-O. Me. Hi, I am a manifestor of my life dreams and I turn them into reality. I know what things make me sing and I know what the beat of my heart longs for. I am excellent at solving my own problems and keeping moving forward. My dreams become tangible, and I keep manifesting my dreams.
Make a detailed list.
How can I know what I really want if I don’t write it down? I get excited seeing new monthly goals typed out. It makes them real. I mean, how can I talk about my future plans with my future customers if I’m not planning? Duh! I love planning, it’s acting on those plans that’s my downfall. I find myself in too many rooms and not finished painting one of them. I think this might be mindless sabotage pattern that I need to break. I see how this sneaky little, big, huge problem snaked its way into my sober life. I quit alcohol so this is nothing. Here goes nothing.
Do I need to break a pattern?
First of all, I will need to be the one to recognize it. Then, I have to agree to change its form. I find value in boundaries and making sure I trust where I am. Do I need armor? Do I need my defenses up? I like to fully understand where I am in my feelings. How do I feel? That is a multiple, daily question. For real. Next, is the breakthrough question if there is value in change. Sometimes awareness plants a seed and eventually a new thought pattern can grow from that. It just takes time to see where growth takes place. Growth isn’t necessarily lowering the gates, just awareness.
Small wins!
I will celebrate every day. There is a lot that goes into my human day of life. I take for granted waking up. I mean, that is a huge blessing! I have a lot of classmates that didn’t make it to my age so prayers up! I know success because my whole life has been just that. I know I cannot lose when my mind is 100% in the game and I really believe I am on the right, successful path that I am supposed to be on.
How has the weekend been treating you? Yesterday was beautiful and hot! I was able to spend some time catching up on some business ends and met up with my dear friend. We talked nonstop for 5 hours. Oh, I needed that! Girl time. We went to a pow wow, and I was looking for new earrings and a ribbon skirt but left empty-handed somehow.
Today, I decided to get on a reading schedule. My plan is to educate myself by reading more non-fiction books. I’m starting with “The Emerald Tablet of Hermes” by Hermes Trismegistus. I am a truth seeker. I think the very seed was planted when I decided that. I have been watching this seed bloom and begin my spiritual awakening in 2020.
A spiritual awakening is when the NPC (non playable character) decides one day to do something different. I stepped out of line and decided to go outside the drawn line. I began to question a lot. I decided I would unlearn and reset seeking only the truth. Then, Ayurveda came. I have never felt so supported by something I only just found out about. I wanted it applied to all of my life, but I had no idea how. Well, boom!! Here comes my local yoga studio offering teachings.
Life is amazing when you are really present. Think about when you really wanted something. Did you get it? I do. If I don’t get it, then it wasn’t mine. I understand this. It’s very new, but as soon as I started looking at my life at a 30,000-foot view, I saw. I am just now dipping my toes in the fear pool. I know the only way for me to level up is that I need to do something big. Out of comfort. I will be ok and learn a lot on this new venture.
My safety spot is closing in on me cause I’m getting too big. My ideas need more space and more experience. Even if I fail, I will learn. I just need to keep moving. I hope to see you at the finish line as we conquer these fears.
It’s been a lot these past few months. I lost my sweet Alex the day after my last post. I lost a whole best friend that day, and it tore open all my wounds. I felt so lost and hurt that she died alone. I never thought it would get better. Grief is a bitch! You never know how it will hurt until you are there. I decided to get a new dog and I really feel Alex sent me that message to my brain right after she died. I cried all the time for the first few days with my new dog, Max. I bet he was so confused to the emotions I carried. Plus, he was so new to me. He keeps me busy, and I love him so much! I love learning how our relationship grows, together, as a new family.
Alex smiling and Aiko chillin vibes✌🏽
I lost my job and still haven’t found a new one, but I am keeping myself so busy. I am building a new herbal adaptogenic drink business from the ground up. I have no idea what I am doing, but I am going to try. I am really enjoying this process. It is making me vulnerable, but I am building new relationships and getting excellent advice from the messages that visit me. I have reached out to my business friends to get some answers to my worries, and everyone says, “Just do it!” I have an army of support and I cannot believe that this former alcoholic, lost to the bottle, has people rooting me on. I really love, love, love my friends and family! Theeee best!
Does anybody else bathe their dogs in the sink? He’s so cute🤩
I do not have all the answers, and I have been straying from my usual grounding exercises, like yoga and meditating. I have been bringing back my morning saging and meditation because I find myself floating around like a leaf with no purpose! For real! I brought myself back with my own knowledge about me and found myself way ahead this week than I was last week! It is mind-blowing why I stray from it. I mean, quieting my brain when I have a million and one things to get done? No way! But, yes way is the WAY!! I am shouting from the top of my meditating yoga mouth. LOL!
This guy keeps me on my toes!! Maximilian💝
My body craves movement every day. If I ignore it, I get pretty stiff and way sorer than my heaviest lifting day. I find myself spending at least 100 steps to work out the kink in my right knee. My back takes some side to side and front to back stretches and hopefully, me and my back are on the same network, and I do not end up with another ailment from stretching the wrong way😂 That is why I am working on getting to yoga class. I find a lot of reasons why I can not get up and go….like, right now but “I’m writing this blog.” It is on my radar and may make an entrance next week or even tomorrow. All I need is the seed and the nurturing I give takes care of my growing 🙂 I am in seed stage after being hacked up from a weed whacker, I will get back to me soon enough.
Forever my sidekicks 💖
I enjoy planning future fun with my non-furry friends. I just had a friend come over and organize my pantry last week. She is beginning her business adventure too, so we have so much to learn from each other and she has been my best friend since 9! I have a pottery painting date and lunch dates over the next few weeks, and I enjoy spending time creating relationships and trust. I love learning from my friends and getting different perspectives. Plus, we are getting into a “giving” season, so people are just seasonally very nice. Take advantage! Make a new friend, and who knows, they may just be what you need in this crazy place called LIFE!
This was Alex when we first met😍
I am finding my path in the dark. I was intimidated to act on my dreams and now I am living my dreams. I have freedom and space and that is the recipe I needed to come out of my shell. I guess where this road leads, I have no idea. I do know I want to keep going because this might just be the road that will bring me to my next chapter. I also found out I am going to be a grandma! Not just once…but twice:)
Wanishi! (Thank you)
All pictures are a tribute to my furry friends that impact my life daily💝
I had a HUGE release last month when I was driving. You just never know when something will come to the surface. It was one thought leading to the next and BAM I’m balling. I felt so amazing afterward and slept so well. I found the peace I’ve been seeking. I also used my friend, Jamelle @barerootsenergy, for an amazing reiki session to help heal me and get bottled up emotions flowing freely. 3 years ago, I would’ve held that emotion back. I was bottled so tightly with past bullshit that that release (2 years ago) was the most life changing. It was so freeing to have no boundaries up when it came time to let go. I let go of anger, sadness, regrets, broken promises, all my life’s work up until that point was definitely under pressure. I have broken chains by my feet and a full heart. Who can I help heal today?
I bought a popcorn plant that smells like buttery popcorn😍
I have been so curious about my mindset lately that anyone I talk to has heard me ask, “Why are you scared of spiders?” I truly don’t remember my fear origin of spiders. I’ve never played with one or had a spider tell me to fear it. I know this to be someone else’s fear they passed down to me. I like the helpful information, like poke berries are poisonous and stay away from poison hemlock, the name says it all. I was a child who loved tall grass. I would run in it, roll in it. What a grand time I had. I want to do this again, I want this freedom without fear, but also without being hurt. I am coexisting with all of life, all the living things, and I respect my place. I am not superior but lateral. Someone always wants to rule, but my rule is respect. I can’t fail with respect in my heart.
My backyard oasis💝
I gave birth to my last child almost 15 years ago. I had an IUD put in as soon as I could. I finally had it removed for the 3rd time and not replaced. My body was able to naturally detox from the synthetic hormones, and boy, was that fun. Not! I have never felt the surge of dancing with my emotions like that. I was happy one moment, crying my eyes out the next, I felt broken and attacked. I tried to communicate, but no one was around me. That might’ve been a lie, I told myself while I was riding the emotional roller coaster. I got through it. Those were only 15 years of built-up energy, I’m so glad my whole body can communicate within itself again. I am FREE, and those broken chains by my feet can be free too.
My daily walks help keep me grounded and in shape. 10K plus steps a day!
I don’t let anyone come and tell me who I am. I am fully aware I used to live by other people’s experiences. I would read how one food, way of eating, and how one wakes in the morning is the epic beginning to one’s day. Well, more often than not, I would store that information away. One day, when I want to save myself, I’ll know exactly what to do. Right? I mean, we have a pill for everything now. All these labels were invented to grab your attention over the next bottle. I began experimenting with all this knowledge I picked up. Some ideas were in agreement with my body, but did I thrive? What makes me ME? I change every day, and I learned to listen to myself. My husband laughs all the time when I say, “I know what’s best for me.” But I do!😉
Nature is amazing!
Yogi Outro✌🏽
I really enjoy learning! I’m always looking for opportunities to fill my senses with pleasure! I love feeding the birds and watching them. I will be outside every chance I get! Ask my family! Lol! I want the experiences of spring to engulf my nose with the wetness of the earth, I want to feel the wind cool my sweaty skin, I want the brightness of the sun to bring light to the magnificent colors of spring and fill my heart with prana, my ears listen to the sweet songs of the diversity of animals coexisting in my little backyard, I can’t forget tasting the bitter greens popping up to help my liver heal after detoxing every experience I’ve had up to this point. I am so very blessed, and my life is amazing! Don’t fit in someone else’s limits. Have healthy conversations, but know this is your life, and as you make big decisions and learn, life gets less complicated cause you set your life on your terms. No one else’s, break those chains!
Self-Diagnosed Yogi 