I have been enjoying this beautiful Kansas weather the past few days! It is so energizing, and I want to soak it all in! The little birdies singing and flying amongst the reeds, and I saw a huge congregation of waterfowl enjoying the sun, too, being all social. Nature is ever knowing and a great indication of what is coming. I bought my spring seeds for my garden and they should be here soon. In anticipation of our upcoming spring equinox, I have been craving water, not thirst, though. A longing to become unwrinkled has been nudging me to sit and pray by the water. I honored my intuition, and today, my unfurling has begun, communitize in the water.
I love this weather💖
Tomorrow morning, I will embark on an adventure! I have no idea where this will lead, but I can honestly say, I am terrified! Will it ever be more than just me and people I plead with to come. Will it come to pleading? Ugghhh….If I stay in my head, I won’t do anything, and it will just be that. An idea. Never come to fruition, just like all the other things I tell myself. Thoughts are just thoughts, and action is the verb. I can’t do a thought. I think? I will just hum to myself and keep stepping. 1, 2…
I just made the whole idea of community coming together all about me. I just like to think about things that I would appreciate. Sometimes, I have zero ideas, and I look to the community to let me know what is going on that I would love to learn or be a part of. I guess, in this instance, I am my target market in my offerings. I’m scared I’m not far enough in my healing to help others. What if someone gets hurt? Am I capable? Am I worthy?
My end goal is to bring people together to enjoy nature again. Water is so crucial in my healing. I swear to that, and I am so connected like never before. I have to share this because I am not a gatekeeper. I cannot wait to see where this goes from here. I am here for it though, and I hope you are too!
It has been too long since I have shared my life experiences as a yogi. My last post was falling back in line with my commitments to myself. I am the most unstructured person I know. Can I be structured? Yes! In fact, the slow but steady curiosity has led me to believe it is crucial in my growth. I have been pondering where I want to be in life. What does my life look like in 5 months? 1 year? 5 years? This is so important to be really clear with myself. Needless to say, this took all of 3 months. I am just getting started on how to get there. It’s not a rush but a direction I am heading. I will accept the failures and learn then re-route. Trust the process.
I’m doing some home remodeling 🤗
This morning, I decided to whip out a facial mask recipe and I am glowing! I feel fantastic too! My life is pretty amazing and it’s clear I have created all the space I needed to begin my transformation. The full moon last night was pulling all the worries I have front and center. I do not like to give worry a pulse but last night I tossed from 2:40 am – 4 am. I guess it’s time to face what it is. I like to pause and walk around the very root of my issues, careful to not disturb until I’m ready. Now it is so.
Winter has brought up a lot of things, things I forgot I buried…
This winter has been very clear to me. I have discovered a lot about me that I admire, and I want to gather all of my strengths into community. I find myself wavering because I am not fully rooted. When I am certain my “WHERE” and “WHY” I can build on that. It takes so much time, and I know I need to reach out to my community. Who are they? Where do I feel safest? I notice as people show me their true colors I will either jump or withdrawal and lately, there’s been a lot of me pulling back, observing. Who can I trust? I usually fall quickly and learn the hard way. Why is trusting people so blind? I mean, I am genuine, and I just cannot believe how hard that is….truly disheartening.
I am capable💪🏽💖
I have a local business helping me with my business branding and social media. I cannot wait to begin the spring/summer season of selling my drinks. I love what I do, it’s why I do it. I am craving more though and since I have gotten clear on my goals, I just need courage and trust. Well, I hope to begin documenting my journey as promised. I am worthy of all the glory of my wildest dreams! I really am and I am ready to get started!
I have been enjoying this fall weather! It’s been all over the place though! Now that the wind died down, I feel myself settle into planning a big adventure for me. Not actually going on a trip but to step out of my way of blocking my personal growth. I plan on working on those goals today because there will be a lot. I seem to sit on my hands a lot and let time get in between me and my goals. I have business goals, personal goals, community goals, financial goals, and we have a few holidays sprinkled in there. I must get a schedule locked in to help balance my excess vata, or maybe just redirect it. I will be excited to share as I get my life in order and start falling back in line.
Loving the fall drops💖
Self-Reflection:
I have been taking the time to reflect on my desires and needs. Where do I want to be as a 43 year old woman? What do I want to embody? I feel I can go any direction in life. I am at a crossroads and there are directions that do not make sense. I feel encapsulated by all the different versions of myself I have lived so far. Which version do I want to nourish? I have so much more knowledge of myself than I ever have and this is the best time to get real clear on who I am. Who I want to be. How I want to show the world the new me when I re-emerge. Life is about to get real. Real fucking fabulous!
Me getting ready to level up💖
Goal-Setting:
I am great at planning. I am not so great at keeping track of who, what, when. I plan on creating short and long term goals using the SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, time-bound), which will help me create a clearer path. I want to be so crystal clear and reasonable. I mean losing 1 pound per week is more feasible than 15. That way I can incorporate bigger goals on my long term dreams. Easier said than done? I agree! That’s why I plan on incorporating the next step.
I had to burn past regrets I was so I can re-emerge💕
Celebrate Progress:
I love to plan a big party! With that being said, I am very capable of taking time to acknowledge my achievements, no matter how small! Celebrating milestones will boost my motivation and confidence and reinforce positive habits of being kind to myself. I’m not planning on throwing a big, expensive party every time due to financial goals, but I will treat myself to a moonlit walk, a warm bath with bubbles, a 20 min face massage taking time to pay close attention to my movements, I will connect with myself by journaling. I love celebrating ME! I’m a pretty big deal to myself.
Me serving drinky drinks👌🏽
Positive Affirmations:
I love to use positive affirmations to repeat to myself multiple times in the mirror. I even make myself cry sometimes by hearing the kind words. It is magic to be kind to myself. When I am disappointed in myself, I disappear from acknowledgment. I have found that setbacks are a part of the growth process but instead of seeing the negative and seeing failure, I can see growth. I found out that way doesn’t work and will not keep going anymore.
I am worthy💕
Community:
One cannot do it all alone. Do you believe that? I truly do believe that. I know I need people around me that support me and that I can support. I want to surround myself with people that inspire me. I want to be on the path to be the best version of myself and I believe I attract those people. I need them and they need me. Community equals support and love.
The manifestation period is coming with the new moon tomorrow. Regain your traction. We got this🥰
I plan on sharing my next 30 days. I am excited to embark on such a spiritual journey to unknown territory. Who will I be when I am 100% focused? I cannot wait to see what doors open and how my life will be in 30 days….
It’s been pretty quiet over here. I have been taking some time out to decompress and reset. I am ready to resume my path, and I am contemplating how my mornings will look beginning next week. I have new focus and direction to entertain me while the kinks of my life work themselves out. I will finish what I started and noticed I’m falling back into a pattern of a bunch of half-finished shit. Ew. I want to manifest myself as a finisher and even better as a successful businesswoman. I have saved millions for big corporations, and now it’s time for me to use my power for me. I will determine my successes, and this will be such an amazing time to learn and make money while learning on the job.
What is a manifestor?
A do-er. The seer from manifesto to end-O. Me. Hi, I am a manifestor of my life dreams and I turn them into reality. I know what things make me sing and I know what the beat of my heart longs for. I am excellent at solving my own problems and keeping moving forward. My dreams become tangible, and I keep manifesting my dreams.
Make a detailed list.
How can I know what I really want if I don’t write it down? I get excited seeing new monthly goals typed out. It makes them real. I mean, how can I talk about my future plans with my future customers if I’m not planning? Duh! I love planning, it’s acting on those plans that’s my downfall. I find myself in too many rooms and not finished painting one of them. I think this might be mindless sabotage pattern that I need to break. I see how this sneaky little, big, huge problem snaked its way into my sober life. I quit alcohol so this is nothing. Here goes nothing.
Do I need to break a pattern?
First of all, I will need to be the one to recognize it. Then, I have to agree to change its form. I find value in boundaries and making sure I trust where I am. Do I need armor? Do I need my defenses up? I like to fully understand where I am in my feelings. How do I feel? That is a multiple, daily question. For real. Next, is the breakthrough question if there is value in change. Sometimes awareness plants a seed and eventually a new thought pattern can grow from that. It just takes time to see where growth takes place. Growth isn’t necessarily lowering the gates, just awareness.
Small wins!
I will celebrate every day. There is a lot that goes into my human day of life. I take for granted waking up. I mean, that is a huge blessing! I have a lot of classmates that didn’t make it to my age so prayers up! I know success because my whole life has been just that. I know I cannot lose when my mind is 100% in the game and I really believe I am on the right, successful path that I am supposed to be on.
Happy Friday! I can’t believe I made it! This week has been insane and somehow I’m here! All I want to do is rest and pamper myself. I feel a pedicure and massage coming. Oh, joy! What are your weekend plans?
My weekend will be full of my best girlfriends and I sharing conversations and lots of laughter. I miss my friends so much! I don’t know about you, but there is a certain energy with uplifting women. I get recharged so I can continue sharing my gifts. I get to say out loud my goals and not be discouraged by upstaging. We are on our own journeys, but damn, magic happens with my girls. I love them💞
I’m ending my cleanse after today. I seriously will continue the light, early dinner because that wake-up call is early, and I like this new pep to my step. It’s nice and light and full of energy! “Snap your fingers, do your step,” Lil John.
I don’t have many pictures to share, but I will tomorrow! This week was about survival, and well, now it’s time to party 🥳
I want you to know that I appreciate you showing up to read my blog. I never know what I am going to blog about and write until something catches. I go through a lot of life each day and just realized how lonely I am. I never would have thought that I could be feeling this way, but here I am. I have lots of connections, but I may not be connecting as much as I need. This is great information for me because this is something I can work on now!
Over the weekend I went alone to a Pysanky class. I made so many connections just laughing at our waxing skills.
My friends are my world! We can go long stretches and when we connect, hours of laughing and catching up! I missed a few friend catch ups this week due to unfortunate gifts from the universe but in all actuality, they may be considered blessings because I have found a huge hinderance in my life and a solution all in one day. I must be a wizard, but I will really find out if I can get through this crazy week in one piece!
One thing me and my friends like to do is catch up over food! We will order 10 things from the menu and fill up our table and get a taste of the many dishes in front of us. You can catch us walking around downtown, taking in the sights and music. Dancing is always fun too! I haven’t gone out dancing in a long time since my bedtime has been quite early lately. I can not turn down a good girl date, though.
I have a friend filled weekend planned and I cannot wait! My human connections keep me sane. I can connect with someone who knows and cares about me. Plus, being around other women is very connecting because we are on the same level. Survival. Navigators of life. We are a strong, lively bunch and very much managers of our teams. I just love my friends and I love making new ones too.
Let’s let this week bring us bountiful blessings of human connections! I know we are halfway through these 7 days but that gives us a few more days to get flowing in conversations. How many friends do you call or video chat with monthly? Do you prefer in face connections or online? Are you the advice giver or advice taker? Let’s get talking 🙂
It’s been a lot these past few months. I lost my sweet Alex the day after my last post. I lost a whole best friend that day, and it tore open all my wounds. I felt so lost and hurt that she died alone. I never thought it would get better. Grief is a bitch! You never know how it will hurt until you are there. I decided to get a new dog and I really feel Alex sent me that message to my brain right after she died. I cried all the time for the first few days with my new dog, Max. I bet he was so confused to the emotions I carried. Plus, he was so new to me. He keeps me busy, and I love him so much! I love learning how our relationship grows, together, as a new family.
Alex smiling and Aiko chillin vibes✌🏽
I lost my job and still haven’t found a new one, but I am keeping myself so busy. I am building a new herbal adaptogenic drink business from the ground up. I have no idea what I am doing, but I am going to try. I am really enjoying this process. It is making me vulnerable, but I am building new relationships and getting excellent advice from the messages that visit me. I have reached out to my business friends to get some answers to my worries, and everyone says, “Just do it!” I have an army of support and I cannot believe that this former alcoholic, lost to the bottle, has people rooting me on. I really love, love, love my friends and family! Theeee best!
Does anybody else bathe their dogs in the sink? He’s so cute🤩
I do not have all the answers, and I have been straying from my usual grounding exercises, like yoga and meditating. I have been bringing back my morning saging and meditation because I find myself floating around like a leaf with no purpose! For real! I brought myself back with my own knowledge about me and found myself way ahead this week than I was last week! It is mind-blowing why I stray from it. I mean, quieting my brain when I have a million and one things to get done? No way! But, yes way is the WAY!! I am shouting from the top of my meditating yoga mouth. LOL!
This guy keeps me on my toes!! Maximilian💝
My body craves movement every day. If I ignore it, I get pretty stiff and way sorer than my heaviest lifting day. I find myself spending at least 100 steps to work out the kink in my right knee. My back takes some side to side and front to back stretches and hopefully, me and my back are on the same network, and I do not end up with another ailment from stretching the wrong way😂 That is why I am working on getting to yoga class. I find a lot of reasons why I can not get up and go….like, right now but “I’m writing this blog.” It is on my radar and may make an entrance next week or even tomorrow. All I need is the seed and the nurturing I give takes care of my growing 🙂 I am in seed stage after being hacked up from a weed whacker, I will get back to me soon enough.
Forever my sidekicks 💖
I enjoy planning future fun with my non-furry friends. I just had a friend come over and organize my pantry last week. She is beginning her business adventure too, so we have so much to learn from each other and she has been my best friend since 9! I have a pottery painting date and lunch dates over the next few weeks, and I enjoy spending time creating relationships and trust. I love learning from my friends and getting different perspectives. Plus, we are getting into a “giving” season, so people are just seasonally very nice. Take advantage! Make a new friend, and who knows, they may just be what you need in this crazy place called LIFE!
This was Alex when we first met😍
I am finding my path in the dark. I was intimidated to act on my dreams and now I am living my dreams. I have freedom and space and that is the recipe I needed to come out of my shell. I guess where this road leads, I have no idea. I do know I want to keep going because this might just be the road that will bring me to my next chapter. I also found out I am going to be a grandma! Not just once…but twice:)
Wanishi! (Thank you)
All pictures are a tribute to my furry friends that impact my life daily💝
I have been enjoying taking care of myself and nurturing my soul. I take so much pride in how far I have come in my life. It is surreal to think three years ago I was drowning my sorrows in big schooners of IPAs. Now, I’m grounded and able to face any problem head-on without a second thought. Plus, I have the best circle of people who build me up. I am sharing space with people like me. I am not hanging on to old friends or old memories and feeling stuck in my old ways of coping. I have moved on. I want to keep progressing, and the only way is to stop looking back. My acceptance of my future and how I want my future to look like is my key to my happiness. The rearview mirror isn’t distracting me anymore. My future is in plainview, and it’s mesmerizing!
This garden parsley and fennel face 😂
Spread Love Where Love Is Sparse
Who you were yesterday doesn’t have to define you today unless you want it to. Say that twice. I’m sure depending on who you’re talking to, there will be many opinions of me. Some good, some bad. If I cared about the world’s opinion, I wouldn’t have time to focus on me being my best self. I bring forth my best smiles to frowns. I give hugs for free! I listen intently to anyone willing to give me a friendly conversation. I give, give, give. I don’t expect anything back. I just want anyone I encounter to feel good being them. I want to bring love and care back into the picture. If for one moment strangers become friends and enemies agree to disagree, then the day was pretty great.
Bee nice😍
8 Hugs A Day
I told my Ayurveda teacher how cold I’ve been lately, like, “to the bone chill.” She suggested many scenarios, but lack of loving attention from others struck me deep. I do demand hugs from my family, but I haven’t been present with them. I’ve been soldiering through the muck of life with only me. It was apparent that I needed more community and more time with those I love. That’s my secret recipe to refuel. I was giving, giving, giving, and no one filled me up. I neglected me in a sense. So, my teacher said we need 8 hugs a day. How many hugs do you get a day? Now, that I’m mindful, I aim for 8. Get in those hugs! Lol!
My husband still holds my hand. He takes me on drives so I can see the sunset. That’s love💗
Community
I never know who I am going to meet outside my house. I love volunteering and meeting all the world has to offer. I find people so enchanting, and their stories capture me every time! I do get filled up with love when I see a group of people serving the community. I work hard, planting seeds and growing myself to the woman I see myself as. She’s wise, loving, accountable, trusting, strong. I build these gifts from the people I meet, so thank you🥹
My cuddle buddies 💙❤️
Yogi Outro
We all have gifts. The funnest part of life is finding who you are. My discovery process has been fulfilling and keeps me accountable. I strive each day to take yesterday’s learnings into today’s garden. I don’t have to plant them all. Some seeds are not to grow on but keep to give to someone else. I’m always thinking of others. I’m a nurturer, but not everyone needs me. I learned to back off. Those are my lessons learned. I also make sure I’m getting not only self- love but also accept love from others. Especially those hugs!
I think it’s safe to say we are all going through shit. We all have over commitments and piles of people with needs from us. We also have our needs, but where do they go? Oh yeah, on the back burner or straight into the dark realms of “someday”. I find myself disengaged and overwhelmed in these distractions of daily life. I can’t help the world if my world is heavy. So, now what? Well, after I identify the problem, a solution will slowly work its way into my life. No one is responsible for me and how I feel. I believe that my desires change due to what shows up in my life. I accept what I have and what I can change. If I cannot have it or change myself to get it, then I do not need it. You feel me?
I recharge outside so I can radiate positivity💖
Know What You Are Digesting
I don’t feed into the hype that doesn’t define who I truly am. I am not an angry person naturally; I cannot listen to the news without the biased news feed pissing me off. So, guess what, I don’t listen. I listen to music and podcasts that shine life into me. I dance instead of fight. I invest in my higher self by feeding myself good nourishment. We digest everything that comes into contact with us. Sights, events, negative self-talk, pollution, SPF, bug spray, toenail polish: you get the point. So, if you are constantly not feeding yourself things that are lighter (comedies, friends that you enjoy, meditation) or brighter (sunshine, standing up for yourself, self-care) you will fall victim to all the heaviness. More is more so that can spill into your relationships with others, work, food, all corners of life. I am just sharing my experience so far. Life is super crazy! One day at a time though…
Thanking God for these 24🕰
Processing Memories
I remember as a kid, I spent a lot of time by myself. I loved to explore nature and found myself at the local nature park every morning. Early! I would wake up and get on my bike and explore. Back then, I was not required to update my parents before I left. I actually had more freedom at that age than when I was a teenager. Another story, though. I remember the smells of Spring, Winter, Fall, Summer. They sing to me in my memory as I stroll through the same area in my 40’s. Memories don’t fade in time. They sit and wait for a chance to shine. I love my memories, even the bad. I spent thousands of dollars to work through the bad ones and changed my perspective. I am no longer a victim. I am a survivor and damn good at my life. CEO **pop that collar**
If you really want to party with me…meet me at the lake:)
Forgive
I will not pretend that forgiveness is easy. I lived with pain, and the pain would make me sad, and I wore a heavy mask of anger. Anger is my secondary emotion. I lost a lot of self-respect due to my anger. It put me in a constant but familiar cycle, and I didn’t know how to pull the brakes and get control of my life. My only life. I learned to be ok with how I turned out. I found beauty in my pain and slowly rebirthed my thoughts. My thoughts had new meaning because they had a goal, an end. I sit with my thoughts a lot. A thought is just a thought until you act, right? I acted my whole life, so why not try something new. Just because someone/something took my trust and shattered boundaries doesn’t mean they/it has to take my power, too. I forgive and move forward. With my newfound knowledge, I steer clear of reoccurance and thrive. Knowledge is power.
Nourishment😍
Yogi Outro
I am so at peace with my weekend plans. No market due to the rain. No swimming due to the rain. No food truck with my bestie due to the rain. I refuse to let things outside of myself set my mood. I can do fun things in the rain. I learned to like new experiences. I find I really like to be rained on and run through puddles unexpectedly! This is fucking life! Nothing is going to ever go the way I want it to go. I learn to live in the chaos and enjoy myself. I will be fine dancing in the rain and cuddling my sweet girl, Alex, when the thunder is a bit too loud. I bring comfort to myself so I can share my love with my loves. I am powerful and in control.
I missed a Wednesday post, so welcome to a Friday blog catch-up! There is a lot of life happening over here, and I feel like I’m watching a movie of someone else’s life. I am not accustomed to doors opening, but here I am. Me. Proving to myself, that as I grow into my safe container that whatever part of me that spills out, is still safe. It’s OK for me to walk into the unknown and find out. I’m a curious soul, and I really find people so interesting when we are together. I love my yoga community, and when we get together, magic happens, and we learn so much from each other! It’s a weekly meet up and building community is so fucking healthy!!❤️🔥
He was about a foot away from his other snail friend. Community.
Shed who you think you are for who you want to be
We all have an idea of what we think people will be like based on looks alone. Our opinions are so vast apart or cloned copycats that are only created from experiences, right? Or hearsay? Whatever the reason, it’s not true until you find out. When I made myself vulnerable and took my ego out of the equation, I became flawed but yearned to share my experiences. I built my confidence with my group. There is beauty in pain when we can see why we had to experience it in the first place. I am perfectly imperfect, and I’ll rarely be on time to most, but these things make me, me. The more I try not to be me, life gets messy.
My husband helps me cook, which really helps me. Community.
Know your boundaries
I love being with my people. I also love being by myself. There is a balance, though, and very fine lines that can make or break me. I pick up on others’ emotions easily. I really do not enjoy being dragged down, so my choices of people have drastically changed. We all have problems, trust. I keep my real ride or die circle small, but it’s solid, and I feel grounded enough to keep building my confidence with others with boundaries.
Yoga with my buddy. Community.
Get a new hobby, gain a new friend
I know that as I get older, I find I have a lot of hobbies! One thing leads me down a rabbit hole to more things. My hobbies keep me balanced in all the seasons. Through these hobbies, I’ve met so many like-minded people with dreams and aspirations similar to me. I admire all the people I meet, and when I’ve had my fill of interacting, I leave. I honor myself, and I try not to overdo anything. Balance is Bliss 🩷
I enjoy foraging with my friends! Community.
Yogi wrap up
I heard Nate Ortiz on the Highest Self Podcast: 442 Why You Have Digestive/ Hormonal Issues – The Spiritual Causes. He is amazing, and he inspired me by introducing me to be ok wanting to emulate another human. If I want success, I need to pretend I have it, dress like it, present my best self in this image. In a healthy way, of course. No stalking or breaking the law. Just an idea to help manifest my life of my dreams! I learn so much about me from my community! Small steps will get me to my highest self🤩
Self-Diagnosed Yogi 