making friends

Finding My Chaos

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Hè, yogi!

I have been manifesting my peace on my mat this past week. I find that consistency is delicate. It’s so easy to fall off track and stay where I am at. Sometimes peace is too familiar, and familiar is not going to make me grow. I want unfamiliar, I want to be challenged and unfiltered. I might want these things, but my feet do not move with intention because my heart seeks peace. Sometimes I can talk myself out of what I really want because it’s easier to do what I know. Uggghhhh! A schedule is not to be taken lightly if I want to grow. I need to ruffle my tail feathers and start finding my chaos!

My yoga mat recharges me, bring on chaos💕

What do you think of chaos? Does it make you sweat? Does it sound messy? How can you know if you have been protecting your peace for so long? I know I have! I have had 100 foot walls up since I last drank. I have rules and laws set in place to keep people and distractions out of my way! Unbeknownst to me, I have created my cell. It is time for me to get out of my own way and seek growth. I have outgrown my protections and it’s time to spread my wings and find my future ME=)

Last nights full moon has me questioning all I know…

I am 1,000% a homebody. I love my home, and I love being alone. I also long to strengthen my friendships and I wish to be more social. I finally have my fatigue handled so my energy is fabulous! I planned a fun night out with my friend, and I plan on getting plans set up with my other friends. Friendships are so crucial especially as we age, it’s hard to find people that compliment your life instead of complicate. I also enjoy planning parties at my house and with Halloween coming up, I am planning two parties! Wahoooo!

Me as the ‘other mother ‘ from Coraline last year💕 2024
Me and my dad sharing the same expressions 😂  I am the goblin king💕 2023

I don’t want to appear confusing bringing up chaos and friends. I mean, I lived in chaos for so long that I am now craving it. I just want to be challenged. I want to be social again and have a life that I am not scared to live in. It’s time to get up out of my guarded tower and venture out into the unknown. My life is unknown but one this is sure; I love my life! I find my way in the dark, but the light is so mesmerizing and desired. Finding my chaos is going to be beautiful!

Namaste!

Trust The Process

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Hè, friend!

It has been too long since I have shared my life experiences as a yogi. My last post was falling back in line with my commitments to myself. I am the most unstructured person I know. Can I be structured? Yes! In fact, the slow but steady curiosity has led me to believe it is crucial in my growth. I have been pondering where I want to be in life. What does my life look like in 5 months? 1 year? 5 years? This is so important to be really clear with myself. Needless to say, this took all of 3 months. I am just getting started on how to get there. It’s not a rush but a direction I am heading. I will accept the failures and learn then re-route. Trust the process.

I’m doing some home remodeling 🤗

This morning, I decided to whip out a facial mask recipe and I am glowing! I feel fantastic too! My life is pretty amazing and it’s clear I have created all the space I needed to begin my transformation. The full moon last night was pulling all the worries I have front and center. I do not like to give worry a pulse but last night I tossed from 2:40 am – 4 am. I guess it’s time to face what it is. I like to pause and walk around the very root of my issues, careful to not disturb until I’m ready. Now it is so.

Winter has brought up a lot of things, things I forgot I buried…

This winter has been very clear to me. I have discovered a lot about me that I admire, and I want to gather all of my strengths into community. I find myself wavering because I am not fully rooted. When I am certain my “WHERE” and “WHY” I can build on that. It takes so much time, and I know I need to reach out to my community. Who are they? Where do I feel safest? I notice as people show me their true colors I will either jump or withdrawal and lately, there’s been a lot of me pulling back, observing. Who can I trust? I usually fall quickly and learn the hard way. Why is trusting people so blind? I mean, I am genuine, and I just cannot believe how hard that is….truly disheartening.

I am capable💪🏽💖

I have a local business helping me with my business branding and social media. I cannot wait to begin the spring/summer season of selling my drinks. I love what I do, it’s why I do it. I am craving more though and since I have gotten clear on my goals, I just need courage and trust. Well, I hope to begin documenting my journey as promised. I am worthy of all the glory of my wildest dreams! I really am and I am ready to get started!

Namaste!

Falling Back in Line

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Hè, Yogi!

I have been enjoying this fall weather! It’s been all over the place though! Now that the wind died down, I feel myself settle into planning a big adventure for me. Not actually going on a trip but to step out of my way of blocking my personal growth. I plan on working on those goals today because there will be a lot. I seem to sit on my hands a lot and let time get in between me and my goals. I have business goals, personal goals, community goals, financial goals, and we have a few holidays sprinkled in there. I must get a schedule locked in to help balance my excess vata, or maybe just redirect it. I will be excited to share as I get my life in order and start falling back in line.

Loving the fall drops💖

Self-Reflection:

I have been taking the time to reflect on my desires and needs. Where do I want to be as a 43 year old woman? What do I want to embody? I feel I can go any direction in life. I am at a crossroads and there are directions that do not make sense. I feel encapsulated by all the different versions of myself I have lived so far. Which version do I want to nourish? I have so much more knowledge of myself than I ever have and this is the best time to get real clear on who I am. Who I want to be. How I want to show the world the new me when I re-emerge. Life is about to get real. Real fucking fabulous!

Me getting ready to level up💖

Goal-Setting:

I am great at planning. I am not so great at keeping track of who, what, when. I plan on creating short and long term goals using the SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, time-bound), which will help me create a clearer path. I want to be so crystal clear and reasonable. I mean losing 1 pound per week is more feasible than 15. That way I can incorporate bigger goals on my long term dreams. Easier said than done? I agree! That’s why I plan on incorporating the next step.

I had to burn past regrets I was so I can re-emerge💕

Celebrate Progress:

I love to plan a big party! With that being said, I am very capable of taking time to acknowledge my achievements, no matter how small! Celebrating milestones will boost my motivation and confidence and reinforce positive habits of being kind to myself. I’m not planning on throwing a big, expensive party every time due to financial goals, but I will treat myself to a moonlit walk, a warm bath with bubbles, a 20 min face massage taking time to pay close attention to my movements, I will connect with myself by journaling. I love celebrating ME! I’m a pretty big deal to myself.

Me serving drinky drinks👌🏽

Positive Affirmations:

I love to use positive affirmations to repeat to myself multiple times in the mirror. I even make myself cry sometimes by hearing the kind words. It is magic to be kind to myself. When I am disappointed in myself, I disappear from acknowledgment. I have found that setbacks are a part of the growth process but instead of seeing the negative and seeing failure, I can see growth. I found out that way doesn’t work and will not keep going anymore.

I am worthy💕

Community:

One cannot do it all alone. Do you believe that? I truly do believe that. I know I need people around me that support me and that I can support. I want to surround myself with people that inspire me. I want to be on the path to be the best version of myself and I believe I attract those people. I need them and they need me. Community equals support and love.

The manifestation period is coming with the new moon tomorrow. Regain your traction. We got this🥰

I plan on sharing my next 30 days. I am excited to embark on such a spiritual journey to unknown territory. Who will I be when I am 100% focused? I cannot wait to see what doors open and how my life will be in 30 days….

Stay tuned!

Namaste!

Eras Collab

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Hè, friend!

Another week began, and I decided to vacate the usual hamster wheel routine. Things need to be rearranged to fit my new life aspirations motif. I am manifesting me. New me, improved me, a new eras me. I will embrace this change because it’s a collab of all the past mes at my highest self. I have a collection of personal highs that will encourage me to live as my highest self. I present an eras collab.

Youth me:

I could sit by this little stream and watch the patterns ripple over the tree roots and rocks. There was a comfort in the songs of the birds. I knew this wooded area so well. I spent so much of my childhood here. Alone. I preferred. I never needed anyone here. I was always safe.

There is nothing like an early morning walk to greet the sun. It’s amazing! I also like to workout early. My plan is to move every morning. This daily practice helped me tremendously with my recovery. I know I need it.

Teen me:

I loved to write. I would listen to Lauryn Hill and write poems, stories, and research papers. Lol! I was obsessed with words and meanings. There is a floetry to a love dance or hurt. Being a teen in the 90s was amazing. I had great women to admire and get inspiration.

I plan on getting word creative daily. I’m not sure how that looks, but infesting myself with words is my goal. In and out.

20’s me:

Social butterfly in the house! I was in it all! I miss having the hours long girl time conversing and not having to hold back cause your circle was tight. I could hold the same sacred circle for all my girls. What a huge blessing.

@blushfitness

30’s me:

Lifting weights was unlike any other workout. I was so connected; mind, body. I was able to build muscles and squat heavy. I showed up for myself and surprised myself. I got pretty fit by myself. I can get back to this mindset, no problem.

As vast as this ocean is, I trust the journey.

40’s me:

Acceptance. I never fully understood what this would be like. I enter my 40s facing the unknown. Life after covid, wrinkles, finally facing my alcohol problem, new career turn, spiritual awakening, healing traumas. That’s in 2 years. Life is wild!

I might have this huge plan to slowly introduce my highest eras back into existence, but with my wisdom, I know acceptance for where I am is most needed. Acceptance is my peace and wisdom is my compass.

Namastè!

All pictures by Self-Diagnosed Yogi.

Pep to My Step

/ Self-Diagnosed Yogi / 2 Comments

Hello!

Happy Friday! I can’t believe I made it! This week has been insane and somehow I’m here! All I want to do is rest and pamper myself. I feel a pedicure and massage coming. Oh, joy! What are your weekend plans?

My weekend will be full of my best girlfriends and I sharing conversations and lots of laughter. I miss my friends so much! I don’t know about you, but there is a certain energy with uplifting women. I get recharged so I can continue sharing my gifts. I get to say out loud my goals and not be discouraged by upstaging. We are on our own journeys, but damn, magic happens with my girls. I love them💞

I’m ending my cleanse after today. I seriously will continue the light, early dinner because that wake-up call is early, and I like this new pep to my step. It’s nice and light and full of energy! “Snap your fingers, do your step,” Lil John.

I don’t have many pictures to share, but I will tomorrow! This week was about survival, and well, now it’s time to party 🥳

Namastè!

Lessons of Unpacking My Sh*t

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Hè!

I had a great sleep last night and woke up full of energy and light on my feet. That is really odd considering I ate way less than I have, ever in my days. Unless I was sick. I am feeling pretty good today. It’s only 5am but who am I to block this productivity? I guess a fast-mimicking cleanse brings good medicine for me. I only have 2 more days to go. I feel the natural flow of cleansing to be rhythmic as it invades my body, space, and mind. Today I will share the lessons of unpacking my shit.

Lesson #1: Clean, Tidy Spaces

We have been upgrading our carpet and with new changes we have to get into the deep corners that are not touched to clean house. This has been wonderful to get rid of things in our bedroom. I have so much space and do not plan on putting something else in its place. It will just be an empty space now. Beautiful and purposeful. I want my bedroom to be a decompression tank for me and my husband. No piles of junk and extra stuff with no home to share my space with. Everything has a home and if it does not. Do I need it? Stay tuned on our upgrades sometime this summer.

Lesson #2: Light Dinner

I am not one to know what a “light” dinner is before Ayurveda came into my life. It took me even a few years after to fully understand what a light dinner does for me. Even cutting a regular meal in half is considered lighter. I am waking up feeling light and energized even more. I feel my body wringing out from all the processed foods and gunk I have exposed myself to. This is exhilarating to say the least! This is my only body and I have goals to live a long time and hug my family.

Lesson #3: Adequate Sleep

For me, I need to be in bed by 9:30 PM. No exceptions! If I want to wake refreshed and full of purpose, then bedtime is important. I spent many, many nights up at 11pm. Shoot, we used to eat dinner around 8 pm! That is crazy to me now! LOL! Me and my husband agree, going to bed early and waking early is a huge part of who we have become. I love getting older with this man! We sync up as we age. I can suggest a good, solid night routine. What are 3 things you absolutely love to do to care for you? I start with a decompressing bath with candles and an amazing book. The warm ambiance sets the tone. I oil myself up with my herby potions and get me a hot nightcap drink going. I will settle in bed with my journal and/or book in my peaceful space.

Lesson #4: Connecting Mind, Body, Soul

I am a sucker for yoga! It gets my mind off its usual role of survival, and I can connect my mind to my body and breath. Seriously, how often do you consider your breath? Do you notice how fast it can be when you are stressed? It’s not fully expressional and short. Imagine breathing like that all the time. You don’t use it, you lose it. I notice as my loved one’s ages their breath becomes shallower. I practice my full yogic breathing daily. That is a deep loving inhale in three parts: chest, diaphragm, and belly. It is a practice and accepting where we are with it now is love. Love yourself and keep going! Whatever the flavor, being mindful to moving the body daily is key to a healthy mindset.

Lesson #5: Community

There are people just like me, that are curious with change. I am attracting people to me just by being me. I love to engage with people and share stories. There are so many groups I become a part of and I am gifted new friendships. I am always busy but most of my time is spent alone. I am changing this and getting involved daily. If I have extra time, I will volunteer and get my face out in public. I notice a lot of the same faces in my community activities. I love being with people and being around the right people is healing for me.

Yogi Outro:

I am finding my space to be less confusing and more welcoming. I have thinned out my bookshelf even and donated some good reads. I love this season because it forces me to look at things I have neglected. Spring cleaning is epic! Last year, in my garden, I didn’t take the time to properly add nutrients back into the soil. My garden paid for my decision and I had a small harvest because of it. Lesson learned! I am just like my garden. If I take my time before growing season to ensure my body is detoxed and ready for work, then I will be MVP. I will be unstoppable with hitting my goals!

Namastè!

Human Connections

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Hè, friend!

I want you to know that I appreciate you showing up to read my blog. I never know what I am going to blog about and write until something catches. I go through a lot of life each day and just realized how lonely I am. I never would have thought that I could be feeling this way, but here I am. I have lots of connections, but I may not be connecting as much as I need. This is great information for me because this is something I can work on now!

Over the weekend I went alone to a Pysanky class. I made so many connections just laughing at our waxing skills.

My friends are my world! We can go long stretches and when we connect, hours of laughing and catching up! I missed a few friend catch ups this week due to unfortunate gifts from the universe but in all actuality, they may be considered blessings because I have found a huge hinderance in my life and a solution all in one day. I must be a wizard, but I will really find out if I can get through this crazy week in one piece!

One thing me and my friends like to do is catch up over food! We will order 10 things from the menu and fill up our table and get a taste of the many dishes in front of us. You can catch us walking around downtown, taking in the sights and music. Dancing is always fun too! I haven’t gone out dancing in a long time since my bedtime has been quite early lately. I can not turn down a good girl date, though.

I have a friend filled weekend planned and I cannot wait! My human connections keep me sane. I can connect with someone who knows and cares about me. Plus, being around other women is very connecting because we are on the same level. Survival. Navigators of life. We are a strong, lively bunch and very much managers of our teams. I just love my friends and I love making new ones too.

Let’s let this week bring us bountiful blessings of human connections! I know we are halfway through these 7 days but that gives us a few more days to get flowing in conversations. How many friends do you call or video chat with monthly? Do you prefer in face connections or online? Are you the advice giver or advice taker? Let’s get talking 🙂

Namaste!

All pictures by Lenape Spiritual Yogi Awakened.

Life Update

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He, friend!

It’s been a lot these past few months. I lost my sweet Alex the day after my last post. I lost a whole best friend that day, and it tore open all my wounds. I felt so lost and hurt that she died alone. I never thought it would get better. Grief is a bitch! You never know how it will hurt until you are there. I decided to get a new dog and I really feel Alex sent me that message to my brain right after she died. I cried all the time for the first few days with my new dog, Max. I bet he was so confused to the emotions I carried. Plus, he was so new to me. He keeps me busy, and I love him so much! I love learning how our relationship grows, together, as a new family.

Alex smiling and Aiko chillin vibes✌🏽

I lost my job and still haven’t found a new one, but I am keeping myself so busy. I am building a new herbal adaptogenic drink business from the ground up. I have no idea what I am doing, but I am going to try. I am really enjoying this process. It is making me vulnerable, but I am building new relationships and getting excellent advice from the messages that visit me. I have reached out to my business friends to get some answers to my worries, and everyone says, “Just do it!” I have an army of support and I cannot believe that this former alcoholic, lost to the bottle, has people rooting me on. I really love, love, love my friends and family! Theeee best!

Does anybody else bathe their dogs in the sink? He’s so cute🤩

I do not have all the answers, and I have been straying from my usual grounding exercises, like yoga and meditating. I have been bringing back my morning saging and meditation because I find myself floating around like a leaf with no purpose! For real! I brought myself back with my own knowledge about me and found myself way ahead this week than I was last week! It is mind-blowing why I stray from it. I mean, quieting my brain when I have a million and one things to get done? No way! But, yes way is the WAY!! I am shouting from the top of my meditating yoga mouth. LOL!

This guy keeps me on my toes!! Maximilian💝

My body craves movement every day. If I ignore it, I get pretty stiff and way sorer than my heaviest lifting day. I find myself spending at least 100 steps to work out the kink in my right knee. My back takes some side to side and front to back stretches and hopefully, me and my back are on the same network, and I do not end up with another ailment from stretching the wrong way😂 That is why I am working on getting to yoga class. I find a lot of reasons why I can not get up and go….like, right now but “I’m writing this blog.” It is on my radar and may make an entrance next week or even tomorrow. All I need is the seed and the nurturing I give takes care of my growing 🙂 I am in seed stage after being hacked up from a weed whacker, I will get back to me soon enough.

Forever my sidekicks 💖

I enjoy planning future fun with my non-furry friends. I just had a friend come over and organize my pantry last week. She is beginning her business adventure too, so we have so much to learn from each other and she has been my best friend since 9! I have a pottery painting date and lunch dates over the next few weeks, and I enjoy spending time creating relationships and trust. I love learning from my friends and getting different perspectives. Plus, we are getting into a “giving” season, so people are just seasonally very nice. Take advantage! Make a new friend, and who knows, they may just be what you need in this crazy place called LIFE!

This was Alex when we first met😍

I am finding my path in the dark. I was intimidated to act on my dreams and now I am living my dreams. I have freedom and space and that is the recipe I needed to come out of my shell. I guess where this road leads, I have no idea. I do know I want to keep going because this might just be the road that will bring me to my next chapter. I also found out I am going to be a grandma! Not just once…but twice:)

Wanishi! (Thank you)

All pictures are a tribute to my furry friends that impact my life daily💝

All pictures by Lenape Spiritual Yogi Awakened.

Accepting What Is

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Hè, friend!

I have been enjoying taking care of myself and nurturing my soul. I take so much pride in how far I have come in my life. It is surreal to think three years ago I was drowning my sorrows in big schooners of IPAs. Now, I’m grounded and able to face any problem head-on without a second thought. Plus, I have the best circle of people who build me up. I am sharing space with people like me. I am not hanging on to old friends or old memories and feeling stuck in my old ways of coping. I have moved on. I want to keep progressing, and the only way is to stop looking back. My acceptance of my future and how I want my future to look like is my key to my happiness. The rearview mirror isn’t distracting me anymore. My future is in plainview, and it’s mesmerizing!

This garden parsley and fennel face 😂

Spread Love Where Love Is Sparse

Who you were yesterday doesn’t have to define you today unless you want it to. Say that twice. I’m sure depending on who you’re talking to, there will be many opinions of me. Some good, some bad. If I cared about the world’s opinion, I wouldn’t have time to focus on me being my best self. I bring forth my best smiles to frowns. I give hugs for free! I listen intently to anyone willing to give me a friendly conversation. I give, give, give. I don’t expect anything back. I just want anyone I encounter to feel good being them. I want to bring love and care back into the picture. If for one moment strangers become friends and enemies agree to disagree, then the day was pretty great.

Bee nice😍

8 Hugs A Day

I told my Ayurveda teacher how cold I’ve been lately, like, “to the bone chill.” She suggested many scenarios, but lack of loving attention from others struck me deep. I do demand hugs from my family, but I haven’t been present with them. I’ve been soldiering through the muck of life with only me. It was apparent that I needed more community and more time with those I love. That’s my secret recipe to refuel. I was giving, giving, giving, and no one filled me up. I neglected me in a sense. So, my teacher said we need 8 hugs a day. How many hugs do you get a day? Now, that I’m mindful, I aim for 8. Get in those hugs! Lol!

My husband still holds my hand. He takes me on drives so I can see the sunset. That’s love💗

Community

I never know who I am going to meet outside my house. I love volunteering and meeting all the world has to offer. I find people so enchanting, and their stories capture me every time! I do get filled up with love when I see a group of people serving the community. I work hard, planting seeds and growing myself to the woman I see myself as. She’s wise, loving, accountable, trusting, strong. I build these gifts from the people I meet, so thank you🥹

My cuddle buddies 💙❤️

Yogi Outro

We all have gifts. The funnest part of life is finding who you are. My discovery process has been fulfilling and keeps me accountable. I strive each day to take yesterday’s learnings into today’s garden. I don’t have to plant them all. Some seeds are not to grow on but keep to give to someone else. I’m always thinking of others. I’m a nurturer, but not everyone needs me. I learned to back off. Those are my lessons learned. I also make sure I’m getting not only self- love but also accept love from others. Especially those hugs!

Namastè!

All pictures by Lenape Spiritual Yogi Awakened.

Building Community

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Hè, friend!

I missed a Wednesday post, so welcome to a Friday blog catch-up! There is a lot of life happening over here, and I feel like I’m watching a movie of someone else’s life. I am not accustomed to doors opening, but here I am. Me. Proving to myself, that as I grow into my safe container that whatever part of me that spills out, is still safe. It’s OK for me to walk into the unknown and find out. I’m a curious soul, and I really find people so interesting when we are together. I love my yoga community, and when we get together, magic happens, and we learn so much from each other! It’s a weekly meet up and building community is so fucking healthy!!❤️‍🔥

He was about a foot away from his other snail friend. Community.

Shed who you think you are for who you want to be

We all have an idea of what we think people will be like based on looks alone. Our opinions are so vast apart or cloned copycats that are only created from experiences, right? Or hearsay? Whatever the reason, it’s not true until you find out. When I made myself vulnerable and took my ego out of the equation, I became flawed but yearned to share my experiences. I built my confidence with my group. There is beauty in pain when we can see why we had to experience it in the first place. I am perfectly imperfect, and I’ll rarely be on time to most, but these things make me, me. The more I try not to be me, life gets messy.

My husband helps me cook, which really helps me. Community.

Know your boundaries

I love being with my people. I also love being by myself. There is a balance, though, and very fine lines that can make or break me. I pick up on others’ emotions easily. I really do not enjoy being dragged down, so my choices of people have drastically changed. We all have problems, trust. I keep my real ride or die circle small, but it’s solid, and I feel grounded enough to keep building my confidence with others with boundaries.

Yoga with my buddy. Community.

Get a new hobby, gain a new friend

I know that as I get older, I find I have a lot of hobbies! One thing leads me down a rabbit hole to more things. My hobbies keep me balanced in all the seasons. Through these hobbies, I’ve met so many like-minded people with dreams and aspirations similar to me. I admire all the people I meet, and when I’ve had my fill of interacting, I leave. I honor myself, and I try not to overdo anything. Balance is Bliss 🩷

I enjoy foraging with my friends! Community.

Yogi wrap up

I heard Nate Ortiz on the Highest Self Podcast: 442 Why You Have Digestive/ Hormonal Issues – The Spiritual Causes. He is amazing, and he inspired me by introducing me to be ok wanting to emulate another human. If I want success, I need to pretend I have it, dress like it, present my best self in this image. In a healthy way, of course. No stalking or breaking the law. Just an idea to help manifest my life of my dreams! I learn so much about me from my community! Small steps will get me to my highest self🤩

Namastè!

All pictures by Lenape Spiritual Yogi Awakened.